


Kilted At The Alter

by gotfanfiction



Series: Tumblr Collective [11]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Corsetry, Kilts, M/M, Merlin: Yenta Extraordinaire, drunk wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 17:06:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6160562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotfanfiction/pseuds/gotfanfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thank you, Merlin</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kilted At The Alter

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt was Eggsy in a corset. Harry in kilts. Getting married...
> 
> I can do this :D ps there’s swearing in the form of gendered slurs in this. Idk just covering my bases -3- I’m also attempting Harry POV so be warned about that as well.

***

Eggsy really, desperately, wished he could be anywhere but where he was right now. If a hole opened at his feet he would gladly jump in. He hadn’t been this embarrassed since that time he’d got snagged by the crotch of his jeans jumping over fences when he was fourteen, christ.

But he supposed there wasn’t much he could do about it. They’d been celebrating… something. Something to do with Official Kingsman Business which of course was just a lame excuse for the Knights to get drunk and embarrass each other in front of the newbies, ie him and Rox.

It’d started out funny as hell, but Eggsy’d been hitting the cups and unlike some high functioning alcoholics he could mention -Bors, that twat- he hadn’t had years to build up a tolerance to 400 pound scotch.

He was so blitzed, in fact, that when Gareth -again, that  _fucking cunt_ \- had suggested a spontaneous outfit change Eggsy had readily agreed. At the time it seemed like the best joke in the world, letting himself get squeezed into a corset and skirt, and strutting around in the most painful shoes he’d ever put on his feet.

But tomorrow had come, and judging by the smears on his skirt and the crusted on feeling of spunk left to dry on his thighs, so had he.

He breathed in deeply, filtering out the spikes rolling around in his skull. He had to think. To remember. What the fuck had happened last night?

***

Harry, who, unbeknownst to Eggsy, had woken up several minutes ago, was having something of a crisis. There was a reason he didn’t get drunk anymore, many in fact, most having to do with impulse control and having Merlin as a best friend/arch nemesis.

He had to admit, some of the blame rested on his shoulders. No matter how inebriated he was, there really was no excuse to let Merlin bully him into a kilt and get married to his much younger friend.

Fortunately he’d had enough self control to keep his hands -mostly- to himself. No matter how eager Eggsy had been at the moment, they’d both been drunk and while _Harry_ might not have regretted silly drunken sex, he was almost entirely sure Eggsy  _would_.

Of course, he hadn’t protested over much when Eggsy had rubbed himself off on Harry’s thigh, pressing sloppy kisses to his neck.

He felt Eggsy go tense all over, most likely remembering the night’s events. Harry snuck a peek; sneaking because he was a coward who couldn’t bring himself to look directly at Eggsy because what if he hated him -now when Harry loved him so much what if he lost him _what if_ -

Eggsy cleared his throat. “That was a night, yeah? Merlin’s probably in stitches. What’re the chances he _didn’t_ record everything that went down?”

“Slim to none,” Harry let himself smile. “He will never let us forget this.”

“Don’t think anyone else will either,” Eggsy risked a look at Harry, biting his lower lip and uncharacteristically shy. Which was absolutely unfair, honestly Harry should be sainted for resisting this. “Stuffed in a dress and married to Harry Hart. Officiated by Merlin, jesus. What prick thought this was a good idea?”

“You did, I believe,” Harry sat up, dislodging Eggsy who yelped when his head bounced off the floor. “Sorry.” He wasn’t, much. It hurt a bit more than he wanted to admit, hearing that.

“No you ain’t.” Eggsy pouted up at him, mussed up and beautiful and so very inappropriate. Harry wasn’t used to denying himself the things he wanted, but he wasn’t a nice man, or a soft one, and Eggsy deserved someone who could be those things without pretending. “Think I’m wearing your ring, _husband_ , you wanna help get it off? It’s starting to sting.”

***

Unfortunately, they couldn’t get the ring off. Harry’s hands were bigger, but his fingers were spindly as fuck, unlike Eggsy’s meaty paws, and they had to make the walk to Merlin’s lair so they could get it off without electrocuting themselves.

Eggsy had ditched the shoes -and gained a whole new respect for the birds he’d seen towering around in them- and spent most of the walk trying not to stare at Harry’s knees.

He’d never seen an attractive pair of knees, and Harry’s weren’t any different. Knobbly like most people’s, less hairy than his. Just a normal pair of knees.

That he’d probably never see again. But whatever.

He made himself creep into Merlin’s office, only to turn heel immediately on seeing the smirk on that bastard’s face. Harry, unsympathetic and cruel, just pushed him back inside.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the happy couple.” Merlin’s grin was positively unholy, and Eggsy wasn’t ashamed to fess up to a healthy instinctive fear response to seeing that many of his teeth. “Back from your honeymoon so soon? Thought you’d be gone for a few days at least.”

“We’ve run into a slight problem,” Harry’s eyes were narrow and unamused, which was a bad sign. “And since neither of us would enjoy being electrocuted, we’d greatly appreciate your assistance.”

The grin was gone, replaced by a pensive frown. “You bloody idiots.”

Eggsy bristled at that. “Oi, wasn’t like we planned to get the bleeding thing stuck and this was your fucking idea, mate, don’t think I-”

Merlin held up a hand. “Eggsy, shut up.” He sighed deeply. “Yes, it was my idea, but the entirety of Kingsman was tired of watching you two. You’re both in unrequited love with each other, which is fucking ridiculous, and it stopped being funny months ago. Let’s face facts; neither of you would have made the first move, and the idea of having to spend the rest of my fucking life looking at you two mooning over each other was repulsive. Give me your hand, Eggsy.”

Eggsy mutely extended his hand. Merlin had the signet ring off in less than ten seconds.

“Now say thank you, and get the fuck out of my office.”

“Thank you, Merlin,” Eggsy and Harry said, not stupid enough to stick around.

***

Eggsy was fidgeting. Harry noted that the younger man was idly stroking the finger that had held his ring. He was more disappointed in himself than he wanted to admit. After all, he was a spy, and the thought that he’d been so obvious about his feelings stuck a nerve.

But still, there was hope. He’d been so busy trying -for once- to do the noble thing that he had completely ignored the blaring signs going off just under his nose.

Eggsy felt the same. Eggsy, the brilliant, compassionate, lethal young man that Harry had fallen arse over tits for was just as stupid for him. He knew he was smiling like a loon, but he’d earned it.

Quickly glancing around the hallway to make sure no one saw them, he shoved Eggsy into the nearest open room, which happened to be Bors' empty office.

Really, you’d think the man would have learned to shut the door by now.

Eggsy visibly swallowed, but stared at Harry without shame, hunger and lust and love shining in his eyes. He raised his chin and winked.

“Well, old man?” Oh he’d pay for that. “What’re you waiting for? I’m all yours.”

Harry gripped Eggsy firmly by his biceps, bringing the younger man flush against him. There was a headache throbbing angrily at his temples; he was fairly sure something had died in his mouth -it certainly tasted like it had- and Eggsy wasn’t much better off.

But as he lowered his head and kissed him -Eggsy wouldn’t be able to sit for a week when Harry was done with him- there wasn’t anywhere he would rather have been.

***


End file.
